The joys of owning your own server

[bio]

I got an email today from a user on the server. He had typed in an email address wrong and the server notified him with the following message:

• "Hi. This is the qmail-send program at pixelthugs.com.
  I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following
  addresses. This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't
  work out."

His comment was that he was impressed with the politeness of the message.

So... I'm going to change it to something like this:

• "Hi. This is the qmail-send program at pixelthugs.com.
  I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following
  addresses. Perhaps if you could type in a simple email address
  correctly you stupid fuck, shit like this wouldn't happen. Jesus
  fucking Christ! Do you think that my sole purpose for being here
  is to bounce your sorry ass email? Catch a clue, you fucking fuck!"

Or maybe not.

[Pigman]

I got an email today from a user on the server. He had typed in an email address wrong and the server notified him with the following message:

• "Hi. This is the qmail-send program at pixelthugs.com.
  I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following
  addresses. Perhaps if you could type in a simple email address
  correctly you stupid fuck, shit like this wouldn't happen.<SNIP>

I find this brutal honesty refreshing. My idea for my service level agreement would be to create some rubber stamps that said:

NFI (no fucking idea) (used when requester is a dick and/or job is too boring to research)

TFB (too fucking bad) (used when requester is a dick and/or you just don't feel like providing a solution)

NFP (no fucking problem) (used when requester is cute and/or job is easy)

TFH (too fucking hard) (used when requestor is a dick and/or job is too difficult or you just hate doing that particular request)

OBE (Overcome By Events) (used when requestor asks for Win 98 to be installed on their computer in 2003, for example)

I would get the help request, print it out, stamp it with the appropriate stamp and return to requester.

[bio]

I think someone's been reading the BOFH a bit too much.

Of course, it is my mantra.