can I just do it till I need glasses?

Rocketdork · Post by **Rocketdork** » Tue Oct 21, 2003 6:24 pm

This is real.

I only read to number 7 then had to stop!

jc · Post by jc » Tue Oct 21, 2003 6:50 pm

Favorite parts:

But it must be more than a hope or a whish

and

You must not allow this problem to remain in your mid.

and my favorite

If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed,
GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A
SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if
you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining
weight.

A) I'd be a fat bastard
B) appearantly jesus wants us all to be fat bastards

mmeowgrl · Post by **mmeowgrl** » Tue Oct 21, 2003 7:41 pm

This is why Mormons get married so young, and then start spawning like crazy.

Post by **bio** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 10:51 am

Didn't Joseph Smith write the book of Mormon after sitting on a rock in the desert while chewing peyote and masturbating for a month?

Is it a bad thing?

Post by **miftah** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 11:41 am

You can't waste valuable sperm when there are several lusty wives laying about ready to make many, many future members of the church.

mmeowgrl · Post by **mmeowgrl** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 11:45 am

Now I have that "Every Sperm is Sacred" song from the Meaning of Life going through my head! Thanks a bunch

Post by **miftah** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 11:49 am

Okay fine...

"I've seen things, I've seen them with my eyes. I've seen things. They're often in disguise."

better?

mmeowgrl · Post by **mmeowgrl** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 12:06 pm

No, not better

*bangs head on desk*

ouch

Post by **miftah** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 12:14 pm

Back in the day, I was at a park, sitting at a bench, when I found a piece of paper. It was folded up. In each successive fold a phrase was written.

"It's in my head"

(fold)

"In my head"

(fold)

"In my heeeadd"

(final fold to the whole page)

"Zombie! Zombie! Zombie!!!"

And at this, the mental stereo cues up the old song by the Cranberries, and starts playing on repeat in my head, wherin it stayed for at least three hours.

If I ever catch the fucker who did that, he's gonna be pushin' up daisies.

Post by **bio** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 1:12 pm

*added to list of things I must do*

Moxie · Post by **Moxie** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 2:49 pm

Nickp · Post by **Nickp** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 6:42 pm

You must not forget, you must acquire as many children as possible, for they will serve you in the afterlife!

Also, if you want some additional information on anti-masturbation, try the Americans for Purity site.

The site oddly plugs a band, calling it "devil music" but yet directly linking to the band's site. The band's site just talks about "fat gigs" and lesbian action.

I love the large list os synonyms for masturbation.

Don't forget to stock up on anti-masturbation merchandise.

-Nick P.

Moxie · Post by **Moxie** » Wed Oct 22, 2003 6:59 pm

AM07: Female chastity belt - Â£44.99
- made from toughened plastic available in 4 sizes
- fastens tightly to ensure females cannot pleasure themselves

Heh- that wouldnt stop me