I have it on good authority that there was loose change involved.

So far we’re just waiting. Without the water balloon we can’t go home so we could be here another week. Baby will be here 4-6 weeks after birth.

My wife's water just broke! Here goes nothin! We're only 6 weeks early. Fuck. Should be fine. I'll update you when I know more. For now we're cleaning the house. No use being miserable the hospital when we can be miserable at home!

MAKE AMAZING SEASONING!

Bio, adding Italian seasoning was a GENIUS idea for my chicken wings! Thanks! They are 800 times better now!

Guys, I think Bio was bored yesterday.

Eddie, you suck.

It sure was. I am not a fan of sleeping on a "couch" that consists of nothing more than a pad that feels like carpeted concrete.

However, my wife was diagnosed with Preeclampsia, which basically means high blood pressure and a not-so-fun labor. It's gonna be a fun month. She'll be induced by Oct 1.

Edit:I found a magic word! hahah!

Baby Harper tried to come early. We put a stop to her bullshit but now we’re being observed. Should be home tomorrow. This “couch” is more like poorly carpeted floor to sleep on. Fuck this gay earth

IT BURNS US! IT BURNS US!

They've already closed out the primaries, looks like I'll be trying again in 8 years (When I'm old enough...)

If there's a button, I will push it. It's why they don't give me the nuclear codes.

Also because I'm an incompetent leader.

You have no idea how much murder porn is on netflix.

Tell your master all the murder porn she could EVER watch is on netflix/hulu/Prime. Seriously.